So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
