I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
