I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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You made out with two different species that night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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