What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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