Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
