Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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