If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
