i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.