in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement