Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops