Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.