sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize