if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
