Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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