I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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