She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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