he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
