I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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