You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drake has all the answers
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
