Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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