I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
