Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can text with my tongue
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
