so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
