I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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