Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
