apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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