The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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