New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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