the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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