i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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