Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
