Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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