mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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