My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
