It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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