Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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