Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
