Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
