Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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