My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
