Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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