Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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