I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
