I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
