Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
