i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
