Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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