just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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