Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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