gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
