she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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