it wasn't lemon gatorade
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
