I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
