nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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