Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
