Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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