He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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