i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize