Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
