I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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