So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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