i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
