batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
