You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
